


Lego Batjokes Fluff(With Maybe Angst)

by SamWritesFanfiction



Category: The LEGO Batman Movie (2017)
Genre: Attempt at Humor, F/F, Its all very gay, M/M, Maybe - Freeform, Mostly Fluff, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, no promises
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-04-13
Updated: 2017-08-12
Packaged: 2018-10-18 16:38:37
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,818
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10620882
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SamWritesFanfiction/pseuds/SamWritesFanfiction
Summary: This is all just one shots set in no specific order.This also the Lego variety, however you can pretend it's not, if you want.





	1. Batman Doesn't Get Sick

**Author's Note:**

> I'll take any criticism since this is my first time posting any type of fan fiction. I should point out that this chapter takes place some time after the movie and Joker knows about Bruce's identity.

Batman doesn't get sick. Considering he was insanely fit with his 9 pack and his amazing diet of Lobster Therimdor, Most importantly he was, as Batman had put it: "A Crime Fighting Vigilante Who Is Like, Practically Invincible (Copyright by Batman)". In most cases, yes he was practically invincible and does NOT get sick.

...That being said, he legitimately thought he was poisoned the night before and he thought he was dying. It was showing slowly the night before, however, he brushed it off, just like his feelings, and he went to bed. When he woke up, he was a groggy and didn't feel like getting out of bed, and this time for an actual reason. He turned his head at the clock and saw it was 1:36 p.m. He would have jumped in surprise if he was feeling better, since this was way to early for him. Like 3 hours early.  
He slowly made his way towards the bathroom and when he turned on the light, he notice just how pale he was. He tried brushing it off as he's did his business and after cleaning up he went downstairs to have a late breakfast. Alfred was cleaning the table and notice Bruce dragging himself in.

"Master Bruce? You don't look so well, are you alright?" Alfred had asked.

"Oh." Bruce was in a daze and didn't pay attention to Alfred that closely. "Yeah I'm totally, TOTALLY cool." He stumbled a bit both with his words and with his walking. He truly believed that he was cool. However, Alfred wasn't buying it, nor having it.

"Sir, you're paler than usual, your voice is much more raspier than usual, and you're sweating so much that I could mistake that as regular water, put cleaning soap on the ground and mop the kitchen floor twice." That remark was a bit over the top, but it might as well be true. 

"Pfft, no way!" Bruce had tried to put on his best voice and acted like nothing was wrong. It wasn't working. "Your-your eyes must be playing tricks on you. I just...must have been poisoned. It will pass."

Alfred still wasn't buying it. 

"Sir, that's not how it works. In that case, if you were actually poisoned, the only thing that will be passing, is you." 

"Well of course YOU wouldn't know. You're not Batman. A Crime Fighting Vigilante Who Is Like, Practically Invinnnciiblllle-" Batman would have added his Copyright if he hadn't fell to the ground a nearly pass out.

"Master Bruce!" Alfred dropped his tag and ran to try to pick up Bruce and wake him up. Bruce groaned.

"Alfred, it's much more stronger poison than I *cough cough* thought" While even though he did do take coughs by saying the word *cough*, he did had a coughing fit after he said that. "Tell Dick- Y-you know what I'll call him in here. DIC-" He lost his voice and he nearly threw up. Dick had already cane in the room when he say this.

"OH MY GOD! PADRE!" He quickly ran over to his side. 

"Dick." Bruce had whispered out " I need to tell you something. Live on my legacy, and become me. Become Batman." He finished way to dramatically as he fell back asleep, way to tired to even be awake. 

Dick was teary eyed, "OH MY GOSH PADRE NOYOUCANTDOTHISTOMeeeeeeee!" He quickly squeezed out and making incomprehensible noises along with it.

"Master Dick, please calm down. He just fell a sleep, and he only has a fever" Alfred had reassured him just a bit, so he checked his pulse.

".....OH okay! Whew! I thought he died!" Dick smiled. "But that's still TERRIBLE! He's sick, he told me that he never gets sick!" 

"Well I don't recall Master Bruce ever getting I'll that bad or frequently, yes this IS a bit troublesome. Maybe all that time in his room with no proper sunlight and having his windows closed caught up to him." Alfred looked down at Bruce. After his parents passing, he almost always kept in his room, yet surprisingly, it never affected his physical health. Alfred picked up Bruce and stood up. 

"Well I'll put him on the couch for now, clean up his room and make it much more fresher and breathable in there. Open up the windows for a nice breeze and put him back in there so he can rest. I have some spare medicine. However it doesn't hurt to have more things" Alfred with one hand grab his personal wallet and handed it to Dick. "Here, why don't you go to the store and buy things like soup and fruits. Anything that can help him feel better, just not junk food." 

Dick looked ecstatic, anything to help out his dad  
"Of course Grandpa! I'll try to be extra careful and quick to." Alfred nodded, he knew Dick could handle himself, and he has his phone anyway so he was always in contact with him. 

"Well we shouldn't waste time. I'll be waiting for you." Alfred started to put Bruce on the couch. 

"Okay! I'll be back before you know it!" Dick ran outside and closed the door running off to the store.

\-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Joker and Harley were out today shopping for new outfits. Of course, thia place was a bit basic for their personal standards, but they had casual clothes there, and Harley needed an informal outfit to wear in her date with Poison Ivy. 

"This isn't too flashy is it?" Harley put a cute black a red skirt that for most part had a few specks of glitter here and there. 

"Girl-buddy, nothing is too flashy for you. You can even wear a different color scheme a pull it off nicely." Joker complimented her.

"Well I know but I don't want it to seem all over bearing." Harley had some doubt in her voice with her outfit choice.

"Listen, I support whatever you wear just as long as you're okay with-Hmm?" Joker took a glace behind Harley and had notice that about 10 or so feet ahead, Dick had was headed towards the soup aisle. "Hey Harls, isn't that little Robin there? You know, Dick?" He pointed towards where he was headed and Harley looked. 

"..Oh it is. What's he doing here? And without Batman or Alfred. They looked to where he had stopped and notice be was taking in a very slight hurry. "Should we go see Mr.J?" Harley asked Joker. 

"I suppose, we do have enough time after all." He was actually curious to what had young Dick here. They start making there way over towards him. Harley called over to Dick, over the many "fights" if you can call them that, has made them into a good pair of friends.

"Heya Dick! Whatcha doing here?" Dick turned over to look at Joker and Harley.

"Oh! HI HARLS!" Dick threw onto her to have a hug as if he hadn't seen her in twenty years, when really they just saw each other two days ago. Joker thought to himself ' Heh, that's just like him, always do excited to see the people he cares about.' He started to look at the can a soup out of boredom and moved an empty cart that someone had left behind. He just thought that Harley and Dick were just gonna chat it up about nothing to important. But he was caught off by what Dick had said.

"Oh BatDad is sick and I'm getting him stuff to make him feel better." He holds out a small grocery basket had some cough drops as well as some cough syrup.

"WHAT?!" Joker was shocked. He dropped a can and stared at Dick with worried confusion. 

"Yeah, he's not feeling go-" Joker cut him off by grabbing him by the shoulders and started to shake him while frantically talking and asking questions.

"IS HE OKAY?! IS HE THROWING UP?! HE DIDNT PASS OUT DID HE?! OH MY G-O-S-H!!" Joker seemed like he too was going to pass out both from the shock that his greatest enemy was at his house sick and from the fact that he was properly breathing while talking fast. Everyone around them was looking in their generally direction but everyone knew how Joker was and if you tried to interfere with any situation that involves Batman, then you're in trouble. So they kept their distance. 

"Woah Woah Woah," Harley tried to call him down. But to no avail. 

"No! You 'Woah Woah Woah' Girl- Buddy! Batsy is sick and I'm NOT gonna sit here knowing that he's like this!" He picked up both Dick and Harley and throws them into the empty cart along with various of soup cans, which some of them weren't even the chicken noodle kind. "LET'S GO!" He hurried over to the medicine area to get more unnecessary items. But it's the thought that counts. He also ran over the bed section to get way too many pillows and blankets. While he was at it, he also got over to the DVD area and grabbed as much romantic comedies and children movies as much as possible.  
The shopping cart was filled up and Harley and Dick are trying not throw up themselves from all the spinning and running. They were surprised by how much strength the Joker had. Must be been the adrenaline rush kicking in. He pushed them towards the checkout area but there were a lot of people there. 

"MOVE EVERYBODY! I'M GAY AND MY BATSY NEEDS ME!" Joker shouts and almost immediately everyone moves out of the way. 

Dick starts to talk,"Wait but they're not even in an actual rela-" Harley covered his mouth. 

"Shh shh. We can't stop him while he's like this." Harley knew him way too well. So she knew it was pointless to say anything. As soon as they paid, they quickly ran out of the store without having any of the items bagged and ran off with the cart.  
\-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------  
Alfred had Bruce's room and straighten out and had put him back in his room, and was waiting idly for Dick to return. It has been about 30 minutes or so when he heard-? A shopping cart trying to past a speed limit that didn't actually apply to shopping carts? He suddenly heard Jokers voice.

"HONEY WE'RE-" He didn't open the door he just bumped into it with the cart and it sounded like he stumbled and fell into the ground. Alfred cautiously got up and opened the door to where Joker ran in again.

"HON-" Joker started but Alfred shushed him and whispered, "He's asleep, I suppose you don't want to wake him up?" Joker stayed silent for a few seconds. "...Honey were home.." He said in the most quietest voice he could manage. Alfred nodded, showing that this was better.  
Harley and Dick got our of the cart as quietly as they could. Harley mumbled saying how she'll have to text Pamela later that she may be late

"So this is your mansion on the inside? Very nice, very nice. I remember it from when I took it over a bit ago." Joker giggled at the memory of it. "Now may I ask, where is Batsy's room?" He looked expectantly at Alfred and Dick.

"Master Bruce's room is this way, come follow me. Dick, put away some of the cans and start making some for your dad. Miss Harley, it would be great if you could help out too." Harley followed Dick into the kitchen and Joker followed Alfred upstairs.  
Joker really hadn't gotten a good look around the place, it really was immaculate. They made it towards Bruce's door but Alfred had stopped him before he had enter.

"I don't doubt that you'll keep a good watchful eye on him but try to stay as quiet enough as possible, he may have a headache and probably wouldn't like any load noises."  
Joker have a little salute and nodded, "You can count on me!" He whispered quietly but with confidence.  
Alfred gave a little smile and nodded in return. He opened the door and motioned him that he could go in. Joker walked and Alfred slightly closed the door leaving it onlyh a crack open. Joker looked around a saw that his bedroom was rather big, but had it's necessities. He looked over to where Bruce was sleeping. Joker smiled, and tip-toed over to the edge of his bed and sat criss-crossed across from him.  
Joker watched him sleep and he has mouthed the words 'Hi Batsy.' and noted that he responded with a little movement. Joker sat there watching and smiling contently as he was sleeping soundly. About 20 or so minutes later, Dick came in with some soup.

"Hey, Mr Joker," he whispered and looked at Bruce. "Looks like Padre is extremely tired." Joker nodded in agreement and continued to watch him for a bit. Dick noticed the gleam in his eyes and saw how calm he was.  
"...Would you..like to try to feed him soup?" Joker got backed into reality and looked at Dick.

"Oh uhhh...." He looked unsure, he didn't know why, it's just feeding Bruce soup. "Um... I guess I could try?..." 

"That's great, just make sure it's not to hit for him." He said as passed the bowl to the Joker. "I'll come check on you guys I'm a bit, I'm gonna hang with Harley. Dick left the room with Joker looking slightly nervous. He sometimes had doubts with the randomness things and this was one of them.  
Joker had to stop think about that though because it sounded like he was waking up. Joker got to the side of the bed where the nightstand was and waited for him to fully wake up. 

"Ughhhhh.....hmmm?" Bruce saw the Joker with a bowl of soup in his hands as he was smiling awkwardly.

"Hmm? Uh J-Bird?" He looked at him for a few seconds. "Why, when, and how did you get in my house." 

Well Batsy Boy, I have lots of skills that you don't know about." He boasted confidently. "You see I obtained valuable information about your well being and had tracted down your exact coordinates and elevation about a half hour ago and now I must feed you soup." He didn't have to go in great detail, but he did. Bruce looked at the soup and made an annoyed face.

"No, Batman doesn't get sick or eat soup. I have a strict diet of Lobster Therimdor-ummfff!" Joker didn't want a spiel about his eating habits, so he shoved a spoonful of soup into his mouth. Once he swallowed that he tried to rid the taste in his mouth, making spewing noises. 

"Wha-what are you trying to DO here?! I dont need this!" He whinned and complained.

"Hush up- Hush UP. This will make you better, or at least make your sickness more tolerable. Now open your mouth again you still have more soup." Joker grabbed another spoonful and was pointing towards Bruce. 

"No,no,no,no. Nope!" He closed his mouth and was dead set on keeping it closed. Joker groaned in annoyance. 

"Alrighty then!" Joker exclaimed dramatically. "CLEARLY, we need to have more communication, and understanding! I bought you this soup and I expect you to at least have most of it...." He stopped for a moment then with hesitation, he made his eyes all big watery. "I don't want my super greatest enemy to be a sick. Blink, blink, blink, blinkity blink, blink, blink, blink."  
Batman HATED when he did this. He didn't want this time to get to him but those eyes always make him feel really bad. He hesitated and finally grabbed the bowl with a small 'fine' and started eating. Joker grinned and whispered 'Yahtzee' underneath his breath. Batman rolled his eyes and continued to eat in silence.  
He finishes for the most part but slowly got more and more drowsy by the minute. After yawning for a few times, Joker decided to take the bowl from Bruce and place it on the nightstand. Bruce dropped into the pillows and was close to falling asleep. Joker was planning to at least go to the living and stay for a bit longer but he didn't want Bruce by himself. So Joker crawled to the other side of Bruce and laid right next to him. Bruce felt his body right next to him and glanced over at him, but ultimately, he was too tired and had just turned the other way to get to sleep.  
Joker kept watching him and he too was nearly close to falling asleep. Joker decided to move closer and wrap his arms around Bruce. Bruce was now going to say something but Joker just covered his mouth.

"Upupupupup," he shushed him up. "Your sickness is making you imagine this. Don't even worry about it." Bruce wanted to say something but he knew it would be pointless. So he let Joker beside him and they drifted off together.  
\------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------  
Alfred went back upstairs to check on Bruce to see if he was feeling any better. He lightly knocked on the door waiting for an answer. When none came, he assumed it was because the Joker was to nervous to answer the door without waking up Bruce. He let himself in and didn't expect to see what he saw.  
He saw the Joker, who was known as "The Clown Prince of Crime" who obviously committed crimes, sleeping right next to Bruce, who is also known as "The Dark Knight" or as Bruce will call himself, "A Crime Fighting Vigilante Who Is Like, Practically Invincible (Copyright by Batman)". He barely liked hugging as it is, with a few exceptions. Alfred got a truly happy smile and picked up Bruce's bowl and decided to leave without saying a word. He knows that this is a mixly terrible thought, but if getting sick was one way to get Bruce in more physical contact with people, then he kind of hopes that he gets sick more often.


	2. Joker However, Does Get Sick ( A "Continuation" )

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Joker helped Batman recover from his flu, but he might have gotten to close for comfort and caught what he had.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Enjoy~♡  
> (Okay so I haven't been in the [Lego] batjokes tag in a while however that's not gonna stop me from writing this)

Joker had stayed by Bats side for two days straight to help him recover from his "minor setback" (minor setback being the flu.) And when i say "stayed by Bats side," I'm saying like always constantly watching him, laying next to him as Bats took a small nap every few hours, feeding him, you get the idea.

So it's really no surprise when Joker woke up sick in his bed a day later.

Joker had returned to his not-so-secret hideout late at night and had woken up with the most sore throat and terrible headache. He could barely call Harley to come to his room. So he used a remote control toy car to get her attention, which is normally what he does when he's too lazy to go get her. It got her to notice and she then proceeded to go inside his room.

"What is it Boo-...boo?" She had started to speak when she notice that he was still in bed and not working on possible plans to not-so-subtly ask Batman out, (or as he calls it, 'evil scheme'.)

"Ughh~...Harlsss~." Joker had barely whispered in a way too exaggerated tone, or maybe it wasn't exaggerated. You never really know with this guy.

"Oh, Boo-boo, you look...no, I can't say pale that wouldn't work." She contemplated how she would phrase on how he looked, while Joker groaned in annoyance and pain.

"Do somethinnnggg.." Ironically, he would act just as whiny as Batman when he got sick, the only real difference is that he would want help and attention.

"Alright, alright...let me check with Ivy to see what we have and need. I'll be right back." She left while Joker was dramatically reaching out for her to comeback, and possibly referencing some movie where someone was being left behind or someone was sick. 

Harley went into the main dinning area and kitchen to check the cupboards to see what type of medicine they had. Poison Ivy was drinking a nice glass of a veggie smoothie and noticed her looking around not to frantically.

"Hey there Harls. What's up with Mr. Want-attention-a-lot?" Ivy inquired about the literal whinning child in the room. Harley rolled her eyes and gave a little peck on the cheek to Ivy.

"Well Ives, he caught the flu from Batman and now he's just laying in bed. Do you know if we have any type of medicine?" Harley didn't have any luck finding anything.

"Well, vegetables and fruits always helps, but otherwise I wouldn't know. Remember, I don't actually live here, I only come to visit half the time." 

"Oh yeah, how'd you get in here anyway?" Harley only realized that she never opened the door for Ivy.

"You left a key for me remember?" Ivy says holding a key on a personalized keychain made by Harley herself, "Oh but that doesn't matter, when a golden opportunity awaits us."  
She claps her hands together and holds a scheming smile on her face. Harley, was confused.

"I'm sorry, I must have missed something?" She gestured Ivy to explain her idea.

"Well you see, Joker went to Batmans' house to take care of him, right?" Harley listened and soon got the thought through and realized what she was getting at.

"Oh I see, I see..." Harley and Ivy both nodded and agreed that this is what the were going to do.

"....We're both thinking the same thing, right Harls?"

"Oh yeah, for sure..."  
____________________________________________________ 

Harley and Ivy walk up to Bruce's mansion with frozen yogurt in their hands and rang the doorbell. 

"Okay not exactly what I was thinking, but I'm NOT dissapointed about this froyo." Ivy and Harley waited for someone to answer and slowly they heard tripped running as Dick finally answered the door.

"Oh hey Harls! Hey Miss Ivy! What are you guys doing here? We're not ready to fight crime exactly but maybe at 7 after dinner or something.. " Dick greeted them and started to ponder a time when they could battle.

"Oh no no." Harley began, "Actually," she began to whisper, "we have a plan going on right now, not uh evil scheme but you know, just a playful good plan."

"Oh..okay~." Dick began to whisper too. "What's the plan?" 

"Well Joker is sick, wait that's not part of the plan, he's actually sick, BUT he's a main factor~" Ivy explained. "Anyway we want to try to convince your dad to come over to take care of Joker."

"Ah,yes I understand! Don't worry I get you loud and clear!" Dick made sure not to speak so loudly when Bruce was hanging out in the living room fixing the family portraits with Alfred. "Well, he's inside, and if you don't have enough cough syrup, we still have.." Dick gestured to the large pile of medicine that Joker left just in case Bruce got sick again. "...enough. Come on guys!" He opened the door to let them in and lead them over to the other two.

"Ah, if it isn't Miss Harley and Miss Ivy, how are the both of you this morning?" Alfred greeted the two while Bruce was setting up a picture of "The Bat Family".

The two greeted and responded making small chit chat with Alfred. Bruce looked and looked around and wondered where Joker was, normal he would have already jump onto Bruce and asked if he was feeling any better. But no, he was nowhere near.

"Actually we need to talk to Bruce." Ivy finally broke Bruce out of his train of thought.

 

"Oh yeah, what do you two nerds need me for?" He gave a playful smirk, showing he was joking. He grabbed his water that he had and started to finish what was left of it.

"Boo-boo's sick." Harley blurted out quickly.

"......I'm sorry, I just ran out of this water let me just..get another-" Bruce walked to the kitchen and came back with a new glass a few minutes later and started to drink it. Once was nearly finished gulping down that one, he spat it all on the ground while Alfred simultaneously pulled out a mop and started mopping.

"WHAT?! WHERE IS HE?! IS HE OKAY?! OH MY GOSH IGOTHIMSICKHE'SGONNADIEBECAUSEOFMEEEEee~!" Bruce was in hysteria and bundled up into a ball on the ground like the worrying man he was.

"Oh calm down Master Bruce, I'm sur-" Alfred was cut off.

"You can't just TELL me its okay! He could be dead and no one would know! Oh my gosh we gotta go!" He started to grab the leftover medicine and putting it all in a bag. "We gotta go, we gotta go ASAP!" He ran out of the door leaving everyone in the house both in confusion and in annoyance, the annoyance part being Alfred. Bruce came back in slowly.

"Uh...can you guys tell me where he is, or show me rather...drive me there, ya know?"  
___________________________________________________

Bruce barges into the building that was considered Jokers' and Harelys' hideout. It's much closer as a studio apartment with a few connecting rooms. Harley had pointed to Jokers' room before Bruce can ask. Bruce both quietly but in a fast manner rushed into Jokers room.

Jokers room was a rather medium sized room to say the least. It had a conjoined bathroom and what look like a walking in closet. The color scheme was everything you kind of expect it to be, except it was the wall where the bed was up against was purple. The rest of the rooms walks was white and had green lining. The furniture consisted of the normal needs: a fridge, couple of bean bag chairs, one black, one purple, a small tv with a game console and dvds and such, and a nightstand with a lamp that had the lampshade of the Batman logo. In the middle was Jokers bed, which was queen sized and had an average green and purple theme. 

Bruce made his way over to the sleeping bean and gently woke him up.

"Hey...hey Jokes...can you wake up for a sec~?" Bruce whispered as he did not want to to startle him.

"Ngh..Bruce?...Oh hey BrucieBats, what's up?" It sounded like Joker was whispering too, but really his voice was just in bad shape, he was fully awake now.

"Hey there buddy, now, you don't mind me talking louder than this right?" Bruce asked if he could stop whispering.

"Yeah you can." Joker sat up so he could take to Bruce easier.

"Alright, good good. Now uh, can you explain to me.." He quickly pulled out a thermometer, "What the HECK this is?!" He asked, still in a slight whisper.

"...That's a thermometer that you use to take tempur-HURack!" Bruce stuck it in his mouth just to see how sick he was, just to see if he had to go to the doctors or something. His temperature was 99.7°, a little over normal temperature.

"Oh thank GOSH, you aren't too bad to be considered dead!" Bruce latched himself into a big with Joker and started to run and ruffle his hair. Joker hugged back and both were hugging for a good few minutes. Harley later came in and brought in soup for Joker. Surprisingly enough, he isn't a fussy eater like SOME other people. (Take a hint Bruce.)

Bruce was bundle up in blankets and so was Joker, they decided to watch a while bunch of Disney movies and occasionally, Bruce made Joker drink orange juice or eat a few fruits, provided by Poison Ivy from a garden that her and Harley made. It soon became late a night and while Dick was told to go home, he decided to stay and have a little sleep over with Harley, while Bruce stayed with the Joker.

They both started to get equally tired, but Bruce was dead set on staying awake to keep an eye on J-bird. Once Joker was for sure asleep, Bruce would occasionally get in a few 100 pushups just to stay awake. It didn't last long though as he fell asleep a few hours later. 

Joker woke up about 2 a.m. because he needed something to drink and notice Bruce letting on the edge of the bed, almost on the floor. He chuckled to himself and pulled Bruce right next to him so he can sleep properly. He got he glass of orange juice and finished the rest of it. For a while, he gazed at Bruce who had mumbled I'm his sleep from time to time. Finally, Joker made himself comfortable and cuddled up next to him. Joker barely mumbled something that almost sounded like "I like you" before he fell asleep, but only he would know if he said that.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (Alrighty so it's been a LONG time since I've written this but I got a comment on the first one and that got me motivated. Please let me know if I made any errors, grammatical and what not. Thank you for reading!)
> 
> Edit: sorry if spacing looks weird I did this on my phone and such.
> 
> *Edit again. Fixed I think

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you enjoyed what I wrote. Also if you have any suggestions for me to write I'll gladly write it. (However I won't write all most anything relating to porn and please keep it as light hearted as possible)


End file.
